midnight21 (midnight21) wrote in broken_heart,
midnight21
midnight21
broken_heart

*Sigh*

I feel so empty tonight and facebook is once again the cause of this feeling. I found myself browsing photos of old friends getting married and their first babies and felt something ache deep inside of me. I know why I feel so incomplete and fragmented. I wish I never found out.

...I also know that kind of life is never meant to be mine either. The life of having a normal family and raising one. It could be one of the keys that would make me happy in life too.

It doesn't matter how much I pray for these things to happen. It doesn't matter how much I believe and trust in God. It doesn't matter if I get therapy for social phobia or not. It's just not meant to be. I'm not meant for anyone to have and I'm not meant to be loved. I probably never was. Am I that unimportant?

I'm done daydreaming. I'm done hoping. I'm done praying for this waiting for an opportunity and trying to make myself not to expect such things. It would just hurt me more and more, reminding me constantly how meaningless life is. It's almost like a close door. What's even more frustrating is that I still don't know what God's plans are for me. I never will know either. I feel so naked.

Am I meant to be alone for the rest of my life? I just have that feeling.
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