midnight21 (midnight21) wrote in broken_heart,
midnight21
midnight21
broken_heart

  • Mood:

*Sigh*

It's funny... When I was at church like last Sunday, I was praying for another chance to fall in love again and to do well in tech school, which is coming up really quick. Then for the first time in 5 years I run into my ex Derek at burger king. I was horrified when he asked me if he remembered me and started talking to me as if nothing happened and he didn't do anything wrong that made me break things off to begin with. Then he asked me if I had a boyfriend.

My stomach heaved and twisted. I felt like I was going to vomit. I knew he was in jail for some time after the break up and he looked stoned- I can see the blood shot eyes. And he asks me that like I should just forget about the things he's done to me five years ago including the cervical cancer scare? I pretty much told him that I am not looking for a boyfriend right now and I'm not ready for it, and the fact I didn't want one. He said goodbye to me and left.

While I feel at peace that I finally stood up for myself once again around him, I can't help but feel boiling anger inside of me. I had a perfect opportunity to call the cops for talking me into losing virginity against my will and for stealing things, but I didn't. I didn't kick him in the balls either- I should have. But instead I just told him that i didn't need him in subtle ways and he got the message.

I feel like I should have done more to keep him away... as I worry that he might start stalking me again. but my friend from sweden told me that it was raw power and he just respected me even more. Hearing that from him made me feel better but I still have a sour impression on love and that I don't want it ever again. Especially when I dealt with yet another verbally abused/controlled victim friend of mine... I really wish she'd get over her needy side and leave him- for her sanity sake.
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